I don't know what to put here.

(1)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
"The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

(2)
A K indergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently , she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

(3)
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, "Thou shall not kill."

(4)
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

(5)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

(6) 
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Here's where I'm at right now:

Meat makes me want to throw up, I have no desire to eat it. Living Vegan is simply getting too expensive but I still like the idea of it. I don't like how it started to feel like a diet, so I am not restricting myself anymore. [There are also a few interesting health "side effects" that aren't necessairly bad but have me a little confused.]

Here's how (I think) it's going to work:

I am not going to go out of my way to eat cheese or eggs or drink milk, etc, but I can have a piece of pizza once and awhile if I want too. I won't make eggs for breakfast or put cheese on my salad, but if my mock meat has eggs in it or something I'm okay with that. I'm not going to call myself a Vegan because I won't be one, however I am going to try to live that lifestyle as best as I can, within my means.


On another note, Joy Williams (the writer) is ahhmazing. You should check out her book, Ill Nature: Rants and Reflections on Humanity and Other Animals. It's a collection of her essays, the first one being, "Save the Whales, Screw the Shrimp" and it's nothing less than GENIUS.


"...even though you're not consuming much cow these days. A burger now and then, but burgers are hardly cows at all, you feel. They're not all our cows, in any case, for some burger matter is imported. There's a bit of Central American burger matter in your bun. Which is contributing to the conversion of tropical rain forest into cow pasture. Even so, you're getting away from meat these days. You're eschewing cow. It's seafood you love, shrimp most of all. And when you love something, it had better watch out, because you have a tendency to love it to death." 

"Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears – it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear. But for many of my neurological patients, music is even more – it can provide access, even when no medication can, to movement, to speech, to life. For them, music is not a luxury, but a necessity."

-- Oliver Sacks
Neurologist and author of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain


http://www.starbucks.com/retail/thewayiseeit_default.asp

 

I have been having this overwhelming feeling that this doesn't matter. Everyone around me is eating meat & looking at me like they are sorry for me, dozens of TV commercials are shoving pictures of super-sized hamburgers into my living room, and shows like Top Chef discuss what kind of new protein they are going to use in the dish of the day. I don't miss the taste of meat, especially after watching Meet Your Meat at GoVeg.com and I seriously believe I will be a vegetarian for the rest of my life. However, I have been questioning the vegan thing... for several reasons. The biggest and most annoying one being my budget. I have spent  well over $300 in the past twenty days on food alone. My bank account doesn't know what hit it. So yesterday I went shopping and bought a few things that were not strictly vegan, the most prominent of them being chocolate cake, fat-free organic milk, and medium cheddar cheese. I decided to buy a few staples and re-introduce them into my diet. 

I haven't been able to touch the cheese. I thought I would jump at the chance, really. But I can't make myself. I have this absurdly strong desire to see if I can really stick this out for longer than twenty-four days. I love the principles of veganism, but once and awhile I want to eat some chocolate cake, or have some cereal. I don't always have time to cut fruit for breakfast in the morning, so more than three days this week I went without. By lunch I was starving and slighty shaky, which is not good for my hypoglycemia. I absolutely have to eat breakfast, and I haven't been able to get used to the rice milk yet. So I bought some milk and had a bowl of cereal, feeling a little more than slightly disappointed with every bite. But I won't lie, I didn't mind the chocolate cake. I'm so weird, I generally don't like chocolate and I don't like cake... but chocolate cake seems to be heaven on earth. And I don't feel one bit bad about that because it was so fucking good.

Anyways, I have been back and forth for the past day and a half about what to do concerning breakfast actually being fast, my bank account, and my affinity for chocolate cake. And i don't think I have decided anything for sure yet, but I do know that I'm not ready to give up.

I keep thinking about those commercials for the HPV virus vaccine where all of the women are saying I want to be one less. I know that cows are still going to be hung from the ceiling while they are still alive and brutally gutted, and that millions of chickens will never breathe fresh air or see the light of day for their entire miserable lives. I know animals will still continue to be brutally beaten and killed, just so everyone else can continue to gnaw away at their flesh. And that makes me so disgusted I can hardly think about it, but I also have this overwhelming feeling of dread. I can't stop it, but I can stop contributing to it. I know I am only one person, but I want to be one less.

I think my new lifestyle is going to continue to take some getting used to, and that I will still have rough days every now and then. I am going to be one less, and occasionally I will have some chocolate cake until I can figure out something better/different. I wont feel bad, because my habits are drastically different than they used to be, and no matter what I think in the lonely moments, I am making a difference.

People have been asking me, So are you still a vegan? which I guess is a fair question if you don't understand the underlying purpose of my new lifestyle. This is not a diet, so don't ask me What CAN you eat? I can eat whatever I want, I just choose to avoid things like meat, cheese, eggs, milk and other dairy products like butter and yogurt. That's it. I can eat everything else. It's not such a big deal, there are still like 4000 other foods to choose from. Being a vegan just makes me more aware of what I'm putting in my body, and I feel better knowing I'm not contributing to the slaughter of millions of innocent animals a year. Plus, I don't have any rotting flesh trying to breakdown in my intestines, which just makes for a happier, healthier me. (I don't say that to be dramatic in the least, it's the truth. What else do you call the flesh of an animal? We have just been desensitized to it. Meat is flesh. And it's disgusting.) 

I love my new lifestyle. I've faced my ignorance about meat and how it really gets to the dinner table, educated myself about the chemicals used to process dairy products, and eliminated murder of any shape or size from my daily menu. This is not something that is going to change anytime soon, so please don't act like I'm going through a phase. It might only be the thrid week, but there is no going back. Even if I tried to ignore everything I've researched and learned, I don't think I could. Ignorance is bliss, and that is why so many people don't want to ask the hard questions about where their food is coming from, but the truth is so much healthier. In truth there is freedom.

I feel free. I've found the truth. And the truth is that I like life so much better this way, no matter how weird it may seem to those on the outside looking in.

I'm haven't been feeling like I need to write as much because it's getting a whole lot easier. I'm getting used to reading the labels of everything I buy or ingest, and it's becoming more of a second nature to me. It's hard to remember a time when I actually ate meat or cheese. I've gotten really used to a life without dairy, even though the  adjustments have been uncomfortable. I love how I've been feeling.  

I'm excited for a good friend of mine to come visit on tuesday! I haven't had the chance to tell him about my new lifestyle, but having been one of my best friends and biggest supporters for the past couple of years I know he'll be great. I won't get written off as a tree-hugging hippie by him. 

That will be nice- to get a different reaction from someone. Although I am getting used to the old one.

Double digits, baby! I'm so excited to be at this point. And I'm really falling in love with this lifestyle. It's really challenging, but totally worth it. I feel like I'm doing a good thing, every single day. I'm not contributing in any way to harming or hurting any animals, nor am I spending my money in ways that will fuel these cruel industries. Plus, my body feels amazing... like everything is working as it should. People have been asking me if this is something I will continue for my whole life, or if it's just a phase. I don't really know how to answer that because I don't feel like this is just a phase, but who is to say if I will do this for my entire life? If you would have asked me eleven days ago if I would ever even be a vegetarian, I don't know what my answer would have been.

Things change. Regardless, this is going to be life-changing. Exactly how it will change me, of course I don't know that. But I do know that it will. 

I went to Windmill Farms today for groceries, and during the month of September they are giving a 20% discount to all SDSU students. Sweeeeet. And I'm totally addicted to their BBQ flavored corn nuts. I have almost eaten the entire box. I'm sure that's not healthy or anything, but I'm so in love with them that I don't even care. Vegans are allowed to indulge once and awhile too.

And I found Soyogurt! I'm going to try it tomorrow morning, so we'll see. AND I found a soy cheese pizzza, yum! <3

"We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need"

I made it an entire week! I'm so stoked, and I'm actually starting to see and feel a difference in my body. Not only that, but it's getting a lot easier. I seem to have conquered the cheese cravings for the time being, as I've been pretty content with a dairy-free diet. My attitude has also been changing. At first I was obsessing over all the things I couldn't have, but now I find myself craving and looking forward to the things I can have.

I love veggie burgers - the ones I bought are also vegan friendly, but I didn't actually didnt know that when I bought them. So that worked out well.

I'm not crazy about the Smart Dogs I bought (fake hotdogs), but Jessica told me to try the Soy Dogs, so I'll probably grab some the next time I'm at the store.

I started reading The Complete Idiot's Guide to Vegan Living and it rocks. It's explains everything... from start to finish, and it even has some recipes. I also ordered some specifically Vegan Cookbooks.. which I'm looking forward too.

And not that it matters or anything, but I've lost eight pounds. Which I think is pretty significant considering I haven't been to the gym once since I've been so busy, AND it's only been a week. But don't freak out, I'm getting all the proper nutrients and vitamins. And I get enough protein, so don't ask.

<3

was day six.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Scb690898FA

Today I probably went back and forth at least eight times on continuing this vegan thing or not. I was sitting in class, contemplating sticking a pencil in my eye, and getting really pissed off at the world. I've learned that cheese makes life amazing and fluffy and wonderful. And life without cheese is pretty much equal to torture, suffering, and death. I'm not even kidding, I was going absolutely crazy. In a matter of no more than five minutes I changed my mind seven times. But at the end of the day, I didn't give into temptation. I am going to stick to the 30 days if it kills me, and I don't say that lightly, because it just might.

I know cheese is really bad for you. There are so many chemicals in it that actually cause a physical addiction to form in your body. I really want to make it to the 30 days to see if I can kick the addiction my body and my brain seem to have formed for that golden delicious substance.... that poison.

If I'm really honest, I love the idea of being a vegan. Like, I totally dig the idea of not eating any kind of animal product and being fully aware of every single ingredient that I am putting into my body. However, if I continue to be just as honest, I'm not sure how realistic it is. I mean, I know tons of people do it.. I'm just not sure HOW they do it. It's exhausting. But maybe that's just because I'm not used to it. Maybe once I have been doing it for longer than five days it will start to feel natural to eat my salad without dressing. Or to pass on almost every kind of food I was able to eat just last week. And I'm not talking about meat. I'm totally okay with not eating meat. I don't crave it, miss it, and when I see commercials on TV for gigantic hamburgers I get grossed out. I don't even miss milk that much. I'm okay with rice milk, soy butter, and vegan bread. It's the fact that almost EVERYTHING has egg or whey in it, if you read the ingredients. You really can't just go to the grocery store to buy food. You have to shop at specialty store. Not only is that a little more inconvenient, it's way more expensive- I didn't even realize.

However, I'm going to stop bitching about this because ultimately when it comes down to it, I'm committed to this. No matter what. It's day five, and I have at least 25 more to go. So fuck cheese. I am going to beat these cravings. Even if I have to claw both my eyes out first just to keep my hands busy. 

Regardless of what happens, I will rest easy in God.
"But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do." 1 Corinthians 8:8

 First day at school, and eating on campus, as a vegan.

It's fucking hard.

Today was the first day I felt really discouraged about being a vegan. Eating on campus was nearly impossible, if not completely. Vegetarian is no big thing, but come on. I couldn't even have dressing on my salad. And that made me really sad, and slightly depressed.

Eating at home is going really well. Life in general just got a little bit rougher, but I'm hoping my new, happier, healthier lifestyle will help to balance things out. This week is going to be crazy / insane, so I'm just bracing myself.

That being said, I should probably go to bed.

I feel pretty good about this. I've already lost three pounds, and it's only been three days. I didn't start this to lose weight, but if that happens to be a side effect then I'm more than okay with that. I haven't gotten back to my exercise routine yet since I got sick last week, but if all goes well I'll be at the gym tomorrow. 

To be perfectly honest, I've been feeling pretty tired lately. I've been sleeping better and longer, and still taking naps during the day. I don't know if it's part of the detox process, or if I'm really not eating enough to fuel myself. I'm not eating a lot, but that's only because I'm trying to listen to my body and only eat when I am hungry. 

Today I had pineapple and strawberries for breakfast, some granola clusters from Jimbo's for lunch / snack and then I didn't eat again until dinner - when I had this AMAZING fake chicken thing with sweet & sour sauce. It's made by some organic-only, vegan-friendly company and it was delicious. Even the roommates tried it and approved. I've been so stoked lately on how good the meat substitues have been. I really don't think I could have asked for better.

I didn't drink the detox tea today, but I might have a cup in a few minutes while I finish up some homework.  I got some new stuff, it's peach flavor. Mmmmm!


I was reading today and fell into this verse. I thought it was fitting as of late:

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
 

I had a mild headache pretty much all day. It wasn't bad, but normally it would have been enough to have me reaching for the medicine cabinet. I was warned that when your body starts to flush out certain toxins that you are no longer putting into it there can be side effects. I was told to feel like shit for the next couple of weeks. Which kinda sucks, but overall I think I'm keeping a pretty positive attitude. Although, it's only the end of day two so we'll see.

Today I had some vegan wheat bread for breakfast with soy butter - which is really good! I think it tastes just as good as regular butter, maybe better. Even if I wasn't going to be vegan (which I might not continue with after the 30 days) I would still buy the soy butter since I'm sure it's better for you. Lunch was a salad with fresh, organic greens, carrots, sweet onions, almonds and soy cheese - which I also really like. And it's mozzarella, so you can melt it on pizza. I'm excited about that. During my break at work I had some fresh pineapple and strawberries that I cut up beforehand, and when I got home I had some gardenburger meatless bbq riblets for dinner. Those were probably my favorite, I swear you can't even tell it's not meat. I think Gardenburger just makes really great products because I've liked everything I've ever had from them. For dessert I ate an all-organic-and-vegan-friendly strawberry poptart... which was the perfect way to end the day.

I feel pretty good, although mildly hungover. Which is funny, since everyone was drinking last night and I abstained. I think it's just this mild headache that is lurking. But I'm glad I didn't drink, even though I'm pretty sure that's going to be the hardest part to stick to for the next 30 days. I'm totally committed to the detox-part of this though, and I think it's vital. Why go through all of this to clean out my body and then poison it with alcohol? It's going to be a challenge because everyone just wants me to play one game of beer pong, or take a shot with them just for the heck of it. I kinda felt like I was ruining the party last night, so I ended up leaving early. Which was actually fine because I was exhausted. And I didn't even go out tonight because I worked for eight hours and NOTHING sounded better than some fake meat and sleep - one down, one to go. Goodnight <3

 This is my horoscope for today:

"You are feeling as good as you ever have, thanks to a resurgence of positive thinking that couldn't have come at a better time. See if you can influence those around you to adopt a similar attitude."

I feel like I accomplished a lot today. I not only cleaned  out my food supply (junk food, meat, ice cream, etc) but I went shopping at Henry's Market for organic & vegan products.... and spent $127 dollars. I have never even tried half the things I bought, so I hope I like most of it. 

I bought soy butter, soy mozzarella cheese, whole wheat bread, tofu hot dogs, veggie burgers, corn chips, etc. I got a lot of really great stuff and I'm looking forward to experiencing all of it. As for today, I ate breakfast around noon - which just consisted of a bowl of strawberries. I love fruit as the first meal of the day. I was pretty busy the rest of the day, so my next meal was actually dinner. Somehow I ended up at a Mexican Restaurant in Old Town, faced with the challenge of ordering something meatless amongst the chimachungas and tacos that were calling my name. I found a vegetarian fajita on the menu and was pleasantly surprised with how good it was... I was completely satisfied. Which is something I was worried about - I knew I would be able to find something without meat, but would I really like it? I loved it, and I'm so proud of myself.. and it's just the first day.

I did have a slight craving for cottage cheese today, but I did not indulge.

There are so many lines in that book that keep echoing in my head, so I'm going to leave with a few sentences for the night to serve as future inspiration:

"Now would be a good time to reflect on the old adage, 'You are what you eat.' This statement, in all its simplicity, is brilliant. You are what you eat. You are a human body comprised of organs, blood and guts, and other shit. The food you put into your body works its way through your organs and bloodstream and is actually part of who you are. So every time you put crap in your body, you are crap." -Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin

 I am experiencing a mixture of emotions right now. I feel semi-nauseous. I am also excited. I'm going to try not to think about what a big decision this is right now, but rather focus on prayer and leaning on the feeling that this is something I am supposed to be doing at this point in my life right now. 

Tomorrow I am cleaning out the cupboard, fridge, and freezer. Then I get to re-stock. It should be interesting.